i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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