You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
