So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
