hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
