I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
