I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
