Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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