he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
