he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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