I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
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no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
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I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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