Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He kissed a someone with a penis
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
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so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
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I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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