I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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