i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
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Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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