one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
