Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
