Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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