u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
