The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
