Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
