Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
