When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
