i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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