so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
a search helicopter?!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
