none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
