i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize