I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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