I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
