i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There r osticjed everywhere
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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