New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
