my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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