FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
