Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
