watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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