And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
