Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
