I heard we made out
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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