Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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