I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
