i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
