My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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