Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize