you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
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I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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