Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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