I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
