Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
