Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
