In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
