I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
