is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
