are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
