My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
