I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
