It's a beautiful day for a hangover
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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