he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
