Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
