I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Operation Purity has been aborted
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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