you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
only you would photoshop your dick
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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