we have pet lesbian snakes
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
