So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
