Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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