Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
