i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
