you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
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Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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