I have demons in me.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
