But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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