you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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