How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
