I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
