my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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