i jhust puked up my retainher.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
