Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm going to jail i love you
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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