How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
