You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
