She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
