It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
