you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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