I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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